Today my brother watched my little darlings and I met him at the gelato place on Denman to pick them up. We were discussing entrepreneurial issues when a mom sitting beside us joined our conversation. I think I am still adjusting to the world of the self-employed and one of the aspects of it that blows me away is the openness of fellow moms and the small community of the creatively inclined. Our girls got the conversation started, really, but quickly she introduced herself and we had a great, although somewhat short, little networking session.
Terra writes a blog, 'mymoodymommy', ( I hope it is okay to mention it here) and I realized how small our city is when we started mentioning similar themes in terms of the blogging and small business community. What a lovely little afternoon chat session!
I wanted to write about something else as well that sent my mind into a bit of a tizzy. Terra asked my daughter how old she was and on hearing that she was 4, asked if she would be starting school this fall. Daughter is fine with entering the public school system... mother is not.
We had an assessment this past week to make sure that DD is ready for kindie. I just wanted to grill the potential future teacher, but had to keep my mouth relatively shut as she engaged my daughter with questions. I did get my chance to speak, but still my anxiety rises.
I think tonight thinking about this afternoon and the assessment last week I finally figured out what is bugging me.
I don't want to have my child in school. I like hanging out and having special time with my girls. She is in preschool so it is not as if I am against the notion of school, but if we want to play hooky one day, we do. I don't believe I can do that once she is in kindergarten.
I also, for some strange reason, see this whole kindergarten thing as an exercise in control and conformity. I don't want her to be indoctrinated. I want her to stay the free spirit that she is. I have a fear of her spirit being crushed. I know I have nothing to truly base this on and I don't know if my concerns are valid, yet.
I tried to get her into Tyee Elementary and I would love to afford to send her to the Vancouver Waldorf School ( I realize they are very different educational approaches). It is the fear of the public system that is driving me.
As well, I can't imagine her away from her home (from me perhaps?) in the company of strangers for that many hours a week. I am stressing about this.
My girlfriend homeschools her lovely brood and I would love to have that same commitment. I am caught between guilt that I do not believe I can do that and the need to have the time for myself and my business. I can't have my cake and eat it too. I am in a great state of confusion and I go back and forth in my head trying to feel better about the situation. I do not believe I am making much sense here.
My little girl is growing up. How did this happen so fast? I love her spirit. I want her to maintain it so that I can have some assurance that she will survive adolescence. I think I have a multitude of differing issues going on inside my head.
I keep telling myself that if I detect any crushing of her soul I can take her out of school and commit to homeschooling. If I can at least tell myself this perhaps I can be the strong mother I so desire to be for my children and not a hyper-sensitive one. Wait, if I take her out will that mean that I will that teach her to run away from her problems???
I think I need baby steps right now. It is only kindergarten.
My heart aches as I watch my children grow. The world can be a scary place and I so desperately want to protect them, yet send them out into it but with a great shield of strength around them.
My children cause me to feel so vulnerable and raw sometimes and yet at other times they empower me. I had no idea that motherhood could be so conflicted. Pre-baby, I would not have believed how intense it could be. Thankfully my girls give me the tools to grasp it.

First fruit of the season

This morning I was out playing in the garden and found our first amazingly ripe strawberry. It was so juicy and red right through and it was all warm from the sun. My daughter and I decided to share it and even though it was only half a bite each, we were in heaven.
My yard is sometimes in a state of chaos with the children's toys strewn everywhere, but it is also my refuge. I love my little spot of tranquility where the kids and I can play and mind the earth together. I have a lot of work coming up and I am definitely enjoying the calm before the storm. It is great to find time to just simply 'be' with the kids outside. It is not as easy when things get busy.
I am very grateful for this lovely dry spell although my plants would say otherwise. They could use a bit of rain.

Another baba turns 2

A very old friend of mine, so old in fact we met at summer camp in our teens, has a second child born a week after mine. We both had our seconds on their due dates and V-backs after C- sections. Our oldests are only a few months apart in age.

So we celebrated her DD's 2nd birthday this week and it was a glorious celebratory day. Of course, my camera was not far behind. It is an appendage after all. If I could just have my eye surgically adapted to be an actual camera I would be set.

My little baba turned 2

We could not have asked for a better day to spend out in the garden to celebrate my little one turning 2. We have witnessed a number of birthdays lately so she understood that it was her turn and that yes, she would be sung 'Happy' to.
As I knew I would run out of time to prepare I had some help in the cake making department and the entertainment end of things. I couldn't narrow the photos down and have indulged in posting quite a few of that day.


This is a prime example of familial love. It makes my heart want to break.

Feeding the big sis bunny a carrot.

Dana Miller graciously fit us in her busy schedule to come out and do face painting. I met her at the Baby and Toddler Fair last month and saw how amazing she was. She uses very safe paint imported from Sweden ( I think) and it washes off so easily (not that I was allowed to right away). She can be contacted at its_party_time@live.com or through her website at: http://www.itspartytimebc.com/. I highly recommend her and have asked her to come to my birthday party later this summer as we are having an outdoor costumed performance night!

And now for the yummy bits! I came across Lyndsay's blog, http://cococakecupcakes.blogspot.com/, one day and fell in love with her cupcakes. I wanted cupcakes that tasted as if they were truly homemade. I did ensure everyone that, no, it was not me who made the cupcakes.

I ordered the 'Berry Good' mini cupcakes which had swirls of berries right inside them and came with a vanilla buttercream icing and topped with the most amazingly yummy raspberries. The kids absolutely loved them and of course so did the adults. I will be using her services again. Now I just have to make up a reason why.

Lyndsay's website is: http://www.cococake.com/.

Baba is completely mesmorized by the crowd singing her 'happy birthday'.

They didn't last long.

Laughing Girl Designs

I had the pleasure of photographing hand made quilts for Laughing Girl Design. The quilts are lovely and are small enough for playmats, stroller covers or just big enough for a child to snuggle under. The owner, Cathy Griffin, has a history of quilt making and does a fine job, just ask her granddaughter who personally inspects all the quilts made.
Cathy will have her site updated with new photos soon so check out her website at: http://www.laughinggirldesigns.ca/

The space ship is my favourite!

Picard Wedding

It is really hard to narrow down a few images to post here. I had so much fun shooting the wedding for the Picard's. The ceremony was on a boat that left Coal Harbour and sailed up Indian Arm which I would highly recommend to anyone thinking of a cruise wedding. The day was absolutely perfect and the waters calm. Mrs. Picard was a very silly bride and I captured a lot of great candids. I have more photos posted on my facebook page and my website will be updated shortly.

I am only including a few of my favourites and they are not necessarily traditional photos.

Pirates are no more...

Last year a new power pole appeared on our front boulevard. After it killed a lovely patch of grass someone simply came and took it away. A few months ago a new power pole appeared and began to kill the grass again that was just starting to feel better about itself.

Well, the pole installing people actually appeared!! Wow!!! We had no warning, but hey, I was excited. The no notice was a problem when I heard a knock on the door and in my housecoat (it was early) I answered it only to be told that I had to move my car now and that the power would be out for most of the day. Thanks!
After I rushed out looking fabulous in my get up and with my lovely bed head to move the car we settled in to watch the installation. I also made sure every power assisted action was taken care of, most importantly, coffee was made.

My oldest has a deep fascination with actions that are elaborate and very involved. She sat at the window and watched with intent as each step took place. I tried to let go of my fears that the crane would somehow drop the pole and send it crashing through our living room window or that the power lines would come to life and whip around in a frenzy injuring everyone and scarring my child psychologically for life.
The workers loved having an audience and gave the girls waves and smiles.

So the pole is installed, but now my children are in mourning. Gone is the plank that pirates pushed them off of, gone is the highwire that very brave young girls crossed while performing for the world and gone is a very fun seat to watch the (very quiet) antics of the neighbourhood.